Compassion: The idea of approaching yourself with warmth and understanding is something that is alien to many.  This can be for a variety of reasons; perhaps because we do not feel we deserve compassion or because of difficult experiences in the past.  A harsh, self-critical attitude often comes more easily. However research shows that humans are made to be very responsive to kindness. If we think about times when we are distressed, it is easy to recognise that the kindness of others helps to soothe us and pull us through.  Our brain does not respond well to self-criticism.

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Observation: It is very easy to get caught up in the intensity of our everyday life and all the experiences we have to cope with each day. It can be very hard to see the ‘wood from the trees’. However learning to take a step back and ‘observe’ every now and then can help us gain understanding and perspective. An enquiring and open attitude is necessary if this ‘observing’ is to be helpful. Learning to observe our thoughts, feelings and behaviour and the links between them can give us the opportunity to make changes rather than feel we have no choice.

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Relationship: Relationships are part of life from the moment we are born. ‘No man is an island.’ Choosing to look at the impact of our early relational experiences can be difficult. However it can also help us make sense of our lives and the patterns we observe in them. Again this can give us the opportunity to make changes to the way we view ourselves, others and the world around us if we want to.  Significant early relationships are often internalised. Therefore it can also be helpful to look at the relationship between different ‘parts’ of ourselves.

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Expression: We all have many experiences each and every day. Some impact us more than others.  When significant experiences are processed and talked through with an understanding ‘other’ we have the opportunity to come to terms with what has happened. For a whole variety of reasons some significant experiences never get processed in a heathy way and so continue to have a significant impact on us, often subconsciously.  Allowing these experiences into consciousness and being able to express feelings around them can be very helpful.

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